i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize