I just pynch a tree in the face
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
