the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
