Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
