as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
