Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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