So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
honey bunches of taint.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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