So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
