I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
