I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
