I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
