wrigley field is MILF paradise
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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