your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
