She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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