why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not ubering you a puppy
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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