so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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