I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
