Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
