i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Please don't give away my fajitas
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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