i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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