i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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