Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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