I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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