Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
