i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
