I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
