Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
