Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
