U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
