I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
