You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
