She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
