you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
