my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
