I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
