I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
