Just cropdusted the office
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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