I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
