Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
