she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my phone needs a breathalizer
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
