I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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