How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize