Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
