Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
