im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
