His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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