Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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