Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
