The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
