I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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