I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
God I need to hump something, right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
