So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
