Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
