No stitches, just platelets and will power
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize