end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize