I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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