she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
