Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
