Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
