You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Too much gin, very little bucket
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
