everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
