I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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