Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
