oh god the rape fog is back!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
