I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
