Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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