to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
