yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you win again, gameday.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
