You're my little dorito
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
