ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just gift wrapped bread.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
